Bath Bedlam
by Lady Genjutsu
Summary: 108 Stars. 1 Bath. There's bound to be the occassional mix-up. Episode Two up!
1. Rosepetals and Washcloths

Disclaimer: I don't own Suikoden.  
  
A/N: Inspired by the bath conversations in Suikoden III. It was also an idea I had while trying to think up more possibly funny interactions between Chris and Nash. It's quite pointless but hopefully fun. If people like it enough, I might make it a series with other characters.  
  
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Episode One: Rose Petals and Washcloths  
  
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One evening at Budehuc castle, Chris Lightfellow decided it was time she took a bath. She headed for the shipwrecked ship attached to the castle. There was only one place where one could bathe in this place - Goro's.  
  
She had thankfully remembered to make an appointment earlier that day. Since there was only one bath, it was crucial that the residents make appointments so that everyone could have their turn.  
  
When she arrived to the cabin where the bath was, Goro was nowhere to be found. She looked over his desk and checked the time sign-ups. Good, there were no other girls signed up for her time-slot. She could enjoy the bath alone.  
  
She figured Goro wouldn't mind if she went on ahead into the bath, so she went into the next room and removed her clothing. Remembering the rose petals she had found last week, she took them out of her bag and decided to try them out in the bath. Wrapping herself up in a towel, she went out back to where the bath was.  
  
It was a pretty large bath, more like a small pool, and it always had hot water in it. Chris threw the rose petals into it and throwing her towel aside, slid into the nice warm water.  
  
It wasn't until she had settled into the bath that she saw she was not alone.  
  
"Well, good evening, Chris." Nash was at the other end of the bath, with a huge, shameless grin on his face.  
  
She screamed, and nearly jumped right out of the bath, but remembered the rose petal and bubble-covered water was the only thing hiding her nakedness from his view now.  
  
"Wh-what are you doing here!" she shrieked, her back against the wall of the bath, making sure her shoulders where below the water.  
  
"I could ask you the same thing," he replied, all too calmly. "When I was suddenly showered in rose petals and saw you standing there in nothing but a towel, I thought you'd decided to engage me in a romantic interlude here in the bath."  
  
Her face flushed. "This can not be happening! Why didn't you say something?"  
  
"When a beautiful woman covers a man in rose petals and disrobes before him, he does not think to ask questions."  
  
"I didn't see you! I thought I was alone!"  
  
"Yes, I have since gathered that, and it is much to my disappointment, I assure you," he answered, that mischievous grin never leaving his face.  
  
"You... You didn't see anything did you?"  
  
"I saw enough."  
  
"You scandalous, shameless fool! You could have at least closed your eyes!" Chris was looking around for a means of escape, and realized there were none that would spare her from exposing herself to Nash again.  
  
"How do you know I didn't?" He had that sly glint in his eye, and Chris knew he was thoroughly enjoying this.  
  
"Because you just said you didn't!"  
  
"No, I said that I saw enough. Believe me, seeing you in nothing in but a bath towel is exciting enough. At any rate, you wouldn't believe me if I told you I closed my eyes out of decency."  
  
"You're right, I wouldn't! You have no decency! Now get out this instant!" she cried, crossing her arms over her chest just incase the bubbles and petals did not hide all.  
  
"I beg your pardon, but may I remind you that you're the one who came barging in on me?" he responded, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Ridiculous! This is my time in the bath, I made an appointment!"  
  
"I think not. You must have gotten the time wrong. I have it booked for 1900 hours."  
  
"And it's half past now, so get out!"  
  
"Are you sure? I don't think it can be more than ten past."  
  
"I'm sure, now get out!"  
  
Nash shook his head. "You'd better go check the time. I'm not getting out twenty minutes early."  
  
"You go check it!" There was no way that Chris was getting out of the tub while he was watching.  
  
"You're the one who came in here early. You check the time."  
  
"Forget it! Just get out or I'll... I'll-"  
  
"-You'll run me through with your sword?" Nash finished for her. "Go ahead, but you'll have to get out of the bath to get your sword. You might as well check the time while you're at it," and much to her fury, he winked at her.  
  
"I'll scream for help!"  
  
Nash laughed. "And have all your knights come here running? That would be quite an amusing scene. I daresay, they'd probably be on my side."  
  
Chris suddenly got a mental image of Percival and Borus unintentionally ogling at her in the bath while Nash slipped out, leaving her to deal with the two aroused young men. As loyal and good intentioned as her knights were, she knew she would suffer more than Nash would if she were to call them. She shut her eyes and rubbed her forehead in frustration.  
  
"There now, can't we just play nicely?" Nash, who was shoulder deep in the water, as Chris was, slid closer to her until he was about at arms length. "I'll wash your back and you wash mine?"  
  
"Don't come any closer!"  
  
He put up his hands defensively. "Relax! What do you take me for?"  
  
"An arrogant, shameless, dirty old man, who will try and take advantage of any woman despite the fact he's married!"  
  
"Old? I'm not old! I'm thirty-seven! I don't even look old!"  
  
She felt like screaming.  
  
"Look," she began, deciding on a diplomatic approach, "how about you turn around and close your eyes while I get out, and-" she cut herself short and her eyes widened when she felt something brush against her upper thigh.  
  
THWACK!  
  
Nash was sent flying back into the opposite wall of the bath, a rose petal crushed in the middle of his forehead where Chris had brought her fist into his face. He had a bewildered, almost dazed look on his face, clearly not having expected to be walloped out of the blue like that.  
  
"What the hell was that for!?" he sputtered finally.  
  
"Don't you dare touch me again, or next time it will be somewhere more painful, do you understand!?"  
  
"I didn't touch you!"  
  
Chris was about to call him a liar, when she felt something brush against her leg again. It couldn't have been Nash, for he was at the other side of the bath. She reached down and pulled out a small washcloth.  
  
Her face flushed a little. "I guess it was this washcloth," she muttered sheepishly.  
  
Nash glared at her irritably while he rubbed his nose. "I wish it had been me. At least I would have gotten something out of being so wrongfully socked in the face."  
  
Chris was going to apologize, but when he said this she became angry again. She opened her mouth angrily, but found she had run out of insults, so instead she just hissed, "I've had enough! Get. Out. Now!"  
  
"Excuse me, but I'm the victim here! First you barge in here on MY bath time, accuse me of being indecent, order me to get out, insult me the entire time, and now I've been punched in the face for a crime I didn't even get to commit. I'm the one who's had enough!" He stood up so that the water only came up to his waist, and towered over her, jabbing a finger at her.  
  
Silence fell between them as they continued to glare at each other. Eventually Nash splashed back down and grabbed the soap.  
  
"I'm not leaving," he stated finally.  
  
"Neither am I," she replied.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Fine."  
  
Silence.  
  
Neither of them moved. They both looked rather ridiculous, sitting shoulder deep in the water, covered in rose-petals, Nash holding the soap, Chris holding the washcloth, scowling at each other in silence.  
  
Finally, Chris sighed. "Okay, you're right. I'm sorry..."  
  
Nash blinked. "You are?"  
  
"Yes," Chris muttered. "If you could please turn around, I'll leave."  
  
"It doesn't have to be like that you know..." Nash's eye had that glimmer in it again.  
  
"Please, don't start! I'm apologizing and leaving! Isn't that what you want?" she asked, exasperated.  
  
"Well, you're apology is appreciated and accepted, but it could be interesting if you stayed."  
  
"Nash!"  
  
"Okay, okay! It was just a suggestion!"  
  
Chris shook her head, a hint of a smile on her face. "I mourn for your wife. You are much too frisky for your age."  
  
"What do you mean, 'for my age'?" Nash narrowed his eyes at her. She didn't reply, so he turned around to allow her to leave the bath and get her towel.  
  
He heard the water dripping off of her as she stood up and climbed out of the bathtub. After a moment she cleared her throat. "Thank you, you can look now."  
  
He turned back and saw the towel wrapped securely around her form. He pointed at the washcloth still in her hand. "I need that."  
  
She was about to throw it to him, but hesitated. "First, tell me the honest truth. Did you really close your eyes when you saw that I was taking off my towel?"  
  
"It was the gentlemanly thing to do."  
  
"But were you gentlemanly?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"So you didn't see 'anything'?"  
  
"No! I'm already beginning to regret it."  
  
Chris stared at him, still debating on whether she should believe him or not. Regardless, she eventually threw him the washcloth and turned to leave.  
  
"Hey Chris."  
  
She stopped. "What?"  
  
"Thanks for the rose petals."  
  
Her face flushed slightly. "Um... You're welcome."  
  
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A/N: Like 'Elevator Entourage', this is probably more mildly witty than straight out humorous, but I don't think it was too bad, considering I'm don't write much in terms of humor. My apologies if you found any out of character-ness. If you really liked it, leave a review and I might make this into a series. I already have a couple of ideas floating around for a similar situation with different characters.  
  
Anyway, thank you so much for reading! ^_^ 


	2. Thief of the Yellow Rubber Duckie

A/N: Thank you so much for all the positive reviews! It's really inspiring! ^_^  
  
This next installment involves the unfortunate Borus. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike Borus. In fact, he is one of my favorite characters! It's just so easy to write about him getting himself into trouble though. Too fun. Hehe. I hope you like this one!  
  
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Episode Two - Thief of the Yellow Rubber Duckie  
  
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Two young Zexen knights strolled across the grass towards the castle, both tired and sweating from having trained so hard earlier that morning.  
  
Borus tugged off his gauntlets. "All that training this morning has gotten me really hot and sweaty. After lunch I'm going to go wash up in the bath. How about you, Percival?"  
  
His companion shook his head. "I think I'm going to go horse riding after lunch. I might join you later."  
  
The blonde knight shrugged. "Very well. I'll see you later."  
  
******  
  
Later after lunch, Borus made his way to Goro's for a bath. He was a bit later than he expected to be, having been caught in an impromptu strategy meeting with Salome over lunch. Salome was a good friend of his, but he was also incredibly dull whenever he began conversing about battle tactics. The heat in the stifling tavern did not help Borus' sweaty condition, and he was very glad to finally get away so he could clean up.  
  
"Hey Borus," called Goro, as the Zexen knight walked in.  
  
"Good day. I'm just going to take a quick bath if that's alright."  
  
"Of course, but-"  
  
"The weather is dreadfully hot, and Chris had us training all morning. She is a remarkable woman that way, keeping her knights trained up at all times. Wouldn't you agree?" Borus grabbed a few towels off of the shelf and headed towards the door.  
  
"I suppose, but you-"  
  
The blonde knight continued, oblivious to Goro's attempts speak for he went into a kind of daze whenever he spoke of Chris. "Of course even people who aren't knights, like you, must realize the captain's amazing ability to keep everyone's morale up, even in times when war is abroad."  
  
"Naturally, but Borus-"  
  
He had his hand on the door, but he continued to prattle on. "Did you know that ruffian Harmonian invaded on Chris' privacy the other night? I heard it from that detective Kidd, I get him to check up on that wretched man every now and then. But even I didn't expect such disrespect from him! He walked right in on her while she was taking a bath! I don't blame you of course, for not being there to stop him, but a gentleman should have the common courtesy to leave a lady to her privacy! You can understand, I, being her protector, was so furious I wanted to show him my sword and throw him out, but for some reason lady Chris forbade it, saying it was her fault. I say nonsense! Lady Chris, she is entirely too lenient on the hooligan!" Borus opened the door, but stared at the ground, having become enraged at the injustice of Nash's intrusion of Chris' privacy.  
  
"Someone is in there!" Goro cried, giving up on trying to humor Borus' talk.  
  
"Yes, I know. It's just Percival. He's probably wondering where I am, seeing as I was supposed to be here before him. I got held up talking strategy with Salome. But isn't that horrible about what happened to lady Chris?"  
  
Goro was exasperated. "But it's not-"  
  
"I know! It is completely indecent! How could a man just walk in on an unsuspecting woman while she bathes?! Men like that should not be permitted on castle grounds!"  
  
And before Goro could utter another word, Borus entered the room with the bath, and closed the door, locking it behind him.  
  
Goro blinked and then shook his head. "What an idiot."  
  
******  
  
Borus hastily removed his clothing and climbed into the bath, still livid at the story he had been telling Goro. However, the clean soapy water of the bath quickly drew his thoughts away from his inaccurate account of the incident between Chris and Nash, and he began to relax.  
  
After a moment, he looked around the large bath and wondered why Percival was nowhere to be seen.  
  
A rubber duck hit him in the back of the head.  
  
The impact caused him to splash face first into the water. He straightened quickly and grabbed the toy, his rage returning. Rubbing the back of his head, he whirled around behind him.  
  
"Percival, you idi- ... ah-aah?"  
  
Instead of seeing Percival, he saw a young Karayan girl in a towel with her back to him in the corner. She was rummaging through a bag in search of bath items, and must have thrown the rubber duck over her shoulder at the bath, thinking she was alone.  
  
It was Aila.  
  
It couldn't possibly have been anyone worse. Aila despised Borus more than she did the average Zexen because of his merciless attack on the Karaya village. However, since they had become reluctant allies, and although Borus still hated Grasslanders, he tried to be a little more civil due to his guilt. She had never made it easy for him though.  
  
And he was positive she wasn't going to make it easy for him now.  
  
Upon hearing Borus' words, she turned around. She stared at him, expressionless for a moment. It was as though she was unable to grasp the concept that the Zexen knight she loathed was completely naked with a yellow rubber duckie in his hand and a very sheepish expression on his face.  
  
She blinked three times.  
  
Then she screamed at the top of her lungs.  
  
Borus wanted to rush over to somehow quiet her before she drew too much attention, but was unwilling to move because he was waist deep in water, and to expose himself any further would not only make her scream more, but would also vanquish his last shred of dignity.  
  
"Shhh!" he hissed. "Please, it was a mistake, I-I was unaware, I-"  
  
"You disrespectful, butchering, THIEF!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Give me back my rubber duckie!"  
  
Borus was confused, having been sure the she would be more upset about the fact that there was a naked Zexen invading her privacy then the fact that he was holding onto her yellow rubber duck.  
  
But there was no more time to dwell on this thought, for Aila had lunged at him and was trying to wrestle the rubber duck out of his hand. Not having expected such a move, he slipped and fell backwards, submerging himself in the bath water, and pulling Aila in her towel down after him.  
  
There was continuous splashing and yelling as Aila mercilessly attacked him with her fists, screaming at him to give back her duck, her towel miraculously staying tied tightly around her.  
  
After finally regaining his composure, Borus wrestled the girl until he had both hands behind her back. She struggled futilely as Borus tried to catch his breath.  
  
"How dare you touch me, you butchering ironhead! You burn my village to the ground and then think you can just waltz in here and steal my rubber duckie?"  
  
"Wait now... Stop squirming! I'll give you your stupid toy in a second. I apologize for interrupting your privacy, it was an accident! A simple mistake, I assure you!"  
  
"Then get out of here!"  
  
"Here!" he exclaimed, exasperated, releasing her and giving her the yellow duck.  
  
She took it and scrambled out of the bath, catching her breath as she stood there glaring at him in her soaking towel. "Get out of here!"  
  
"Gladly."  
  
"Then what are you waiting for?"  
  
"Well... Could you turn around?"  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
Borus blinked nervously. "I don't know how it is in Karaya, but most Zexens have the decency and modesty to avert their eyes..."  
  
"You'll attack me!"  
  
"I assure you I have no such intention."  
  
Aila continued to stare at him with distrust.  
  
"At the very least, could you hand me a towel."  
  
She didn't move right away, and for a dreadful moment, Borus feared she would leave him no other options, but finally Aila heeded his plea and tossed him a towel.  
  
He wrapped it securely around him as he emerged from the tub, feeling more drained and tense then he did when he had gone in. He stopped at the door and bowed his head slightly, in one last attempt to apologize.  
  
"Honestly, it was not my intention to disturb you, I-"  
  
"Just get out! Jerks like you shouldn't even be allowed on the castle grounds!"  
  
Borus cringed and turned to leave.  
  
As he was leaving, Aila hurled her yellow rubber duckie at him, which bounced off the back of his head with a loud squeak.  
  
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A/N: That was a little on the strange side, wasn't it? This is in no way a meant as a romantic pairing, but I always liked the animosity portrayed between them in the game. I find it interesting, because they're really alike in some ways. (raging tempers, rash decisions, etc) Also, I know that Aila's reaction to Borus' intrusion was odd, but she always was portrayed to be naïve about these sort of things, and for humor's sake, decided to put the emphasis of her anger on something else.  
  
Anyway, I don't know if that was as good as the first one, but be sure to leave me a little review to let me know. ^_^ As always thanks for reading, and yes, there will be a third installment to follow sometime soon! 


End file.
